don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
