there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
