A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
