I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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