Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
