you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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