i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
