So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
