Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
