Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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