so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
