This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
