God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
