it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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