Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
