So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
