Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
