so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Im part way to drunk.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
