i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
