Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
