Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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