I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize