The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
