hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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