Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
