i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
