I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
