sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize