I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
