And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
