I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
