***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
