Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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