Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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