You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
