Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
