I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
