How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
