I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize