The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
