So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
