You really coming over, don't trick.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
