Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
