I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize