oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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