Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My cat gives me a boner
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
