I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
