I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
