I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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