How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize