Already got asked if we're dating
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
