I wish my penis had an off switch
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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