Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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