I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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