if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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