he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
