the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
