It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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