remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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