theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
