This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
