i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize