Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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