that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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