I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
