I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
