Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
