i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
