"it" just moved
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
