You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize