she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
