I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
