Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
