you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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